This is the only way I know to cope...

I haven't used this site as much as I probably should. It's not like I'm too busy, or that I never have anything to say (because if you knew me, you know I always have something to say). Perhaps I should start using it more often to better help cope with this horrible depressing season I've been in.

I woke up this morning around 11:30, and it was my off day, so it felt great to sleep in. But, as I got out of my bed, it hit me again. It was the first thought on my mind. And it has stuck with me for this entire day.

Depression has hit me this year: hard. Like a ton of bricks. I have my weeks if not months where everything is fine. But this past two months have probably been the hardest. What I am finding is that depression is not limited. There are a million ways that it can take over.

Feeling alone in a crowded room.

Feeling like you can cry for no particular reason at all.

A lack of sleep even though you're getting eight hours of sleep a night.

Physical pain without physical injury.

Laughing on the outside, but doubting on the inside.

Though people say they know what you're going through, you still feel like you can't talk about it because they won't understand your situation.

An altogether lack of understanding from other people which leads to a complete lack of empathy or much needed break from school/work.

These are just a few that I've personally felt in the past two months. But, how do you overcome this? I am a Christian. If you are close to me, you know I have a prayer life. I've probably prayed with you one-on-one before. I've probably even counseled you in some way in the past. There's no doubt that I know I have Someone I can talk to on a daily basis, and I KNOW He can make it all go away. I'm also a realist. I truly believe that if you're going to pray for something, you have to put boots on the ground to make it happen, too. If you're praying for a financial breakthrough yet you're not saving money, then it isn't going to happen. If you're praying to lose weight yet you're sitting on the couch watching Netflix all day (this is me, btw), then it isn't going to happen. But how do you pray for God to take your depression away and put it into action? "You can talk to friends?" But I feel alone when I talk to friends. I feel like they won't understand. "You could get on medications." But, what about becoming addicted? "You won't become addicted." How do you know that?

There are so many questions I have as to what I'm supposed to do. It literally feels like a lose-lose situation when you think that even a doctor will not be able to help. And, let me just say that in no way do I feel suicidal. I've been down that road, and I'm nowhere near that thought process.

If I could have it my way, I would take a sabbatical: to get away from everything and everyone, and try to find out exactly who Cody is.

If you've read this far, thank you! It means a lot to me! I'm open to any private messages or comments for encouragement or answers you may have that could better point me in a different direction than I'm currently going in.

Yah Is My Strength

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”
Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.” Isaiah 6:1-7

     One of the greatest revelations of my life came from reading these verses. July 13, 2017, I attended our church's camp. During that time, I was reminded of this incredible passage of Scripture from my worship pastor, Pastor Jai. When she read it, something stood out to me that I never caught before, and it was the name of the king, Uzziah. Intrigued, I looked up what "Uzziah" meant in the Hebrew (the language of the Old Testament), and it translates to "Yah is my strength." "Yah" translates to "Yahweh," which means God.  
    
     With this in mind, God showed me that when strength is dead, we can still encounter the Lord. There are so many situations in this life that can really sidetrack us, and make us think we don't have the strength to get overcome it. We allow the enemy to place a spirit of fear and doubt in our mind, and so many times, we stay there. 

     Can I just say that no matter how much of our strength is gone, or even if there's none left, you can still encounter the presence of the Lord. 

     Three questions to ponder:

• Are you ruined? Are you tired of the life you've been living; a life that's been draining all of your strength from you?
• Are you honest? Was the question above really true? 
• Are you willing? God is looking for someone to send. Is that "someone" you?

Be inspired.

Rejection Is A Lie from the Enemy

     Going through elementary and well into middle school, I dealt with a lot of rejection. I wore glasses. I had hearing aids. I smelled like cigarette smoke. I was this; I was that. In the midst of it all, I felt the only way to overcome this time in my life was to become somebody I wasn't. I would act a certain way to get people's attention; manipulate people into feeling bad for me therefore letting me get my way. I played the system when it came to people.
     Very recently, the ugly face of rejection showed up in my life again. Although I don't want to talk about the situation, I was reminded how easy it is for me to give in to rejection. For example, I used to feel instantly rejected when I saw pictures of my friends out and about having fun, yet I had never received an invite. I used to feel rejected when people would completely skip over me to ask someone else to complete a task. I used to feel rejected when someone would get promoted before me, although I had been there twice as long as they have.
     Rejection is a lie from the enemy. It's an easy way for the enemy to let us know that we'll never amount to anything. Rejection is my worst enemy. My whole life I always wanted to know my life was worth something, and many times, I tried to find that worth in people, materialistic things, and habitual lust. I always came out empty.
     Recently, I started reading "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. In reading it, I felt instantly convicted in letting rejection have the best of my days. Joyce emphasizes many times to choose to think positive thoughts about every situation. Instead of feeling bad for yourself or feeling rejected, think about all of the experiences in your life where you've been celebrated, loved, and lifted up. In my own life, I shouldn't look at a picture of my friends having fun without me, and feel left out; I should think about the time my friends threw a "just because" party to honor me. I shouldn't focus on that co-worker getting a promotion; I should focus on the blessing of having a job.
     Let me encourage you if rejection is something you're currently dealing with. I don't want to sound too religious or cliché when I say this, but - ultimately - when it is all said and done, Jesus is all you'll ever need. People cannot define you. Materialistic things cannot find you. Habitual sin, though may be a temporary fix, cannot define you. You are who Jesus says you are; and He says you're His own.

O Come to the Altar

Before the wheels left the ground in Birmingham, Alabama, I was already being tested in my faith. It was already a giant leap of faith flying to St. Louis on a one way ticket. I'm thankful that I've gotten this far, too. But, the test began when I was asked a very "controversial" question.

While I was sitting on the plane, I got to know the man beside me. He was an elderly man, flying to Texas to bring home his son from the war. What an honor to hear his story. He asked me what I was going to St. Louis for, and I told him I was moving there to be apart of the Joyce Meyer Ministry, serving at the St. Louis Dream Center in inner-city STL. There was a guy a few rows in front of me who turned around and got my attention. He asked me "What do you think about all of the controversy going on in Ferguson? And, how do you respond when someone ask for your opinion?" With the whole Ferguson situation still fresh on peoples' minds, I knew he was just trying to stir the pot.

My response to him made him mad because I decided to speak out of truth and love. I told that man what my Pastor back at home always said: "The greatest opinion to have is to not have one at all." My job is to love people right where they are. It doesn't matter what color there skin is or what there sexual orientation is. I don't get to have an opinion.

With all of this being said, I entitled this post as "O Come to the Alter." My heart is conflicted knowing there are people - like the guy I encountered on the plane - who only want to point out what the issues or situations are. We can be so occupied with circumstances that we: 1. Miss what God is trying to show us. 2. Get in the way of what God is trying to do in our lives. 3. Stone someone because of their sin not knowing we're just as sinful.

We look at people and think "I'm bad, but I'm not THAT bad." May I submit to you that we ALL have sinned, and are need of a Savior. It doesn't matter what theology you follow. It doesn't matter what denomination you attend. Jesus wants us to ALL come to the altar.

In the song "O Come to the Altar," there is a lyric that says:

"Leave behind your regrets and mistakes
Come today there's no reason to

wait
Jesus is calling
Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy
From the ashes a new life is born
Jesus is calling"

I truly believe this is what Jesus wants for you. So when someone ask you a controversial question, respond with love, and watch the steam flare from their ears. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that."

Moving to St. Louis

Moving to St. Louis has probably been the biggest thing to ever happen in my own life. It signified a lot of things for me. I would (really) be on my own now. I would be eight hours away from home. I would be in a new environment where I barely knew anyone. The only people I would know were the few I met while here on a mission trip two months ago.

Where it began:
I came to St. Louis in March 2015, and honestly, I had no prior decision to move at that time. Back in Tuscaloosa, I had a job, I had a car, I had money. It's not to say that I regret anything because I don't have any of that now; but, it goes to say that I was pretty comfortable with my life back in Tuscaloosa. So, we spend a week in St. Louis, and I just fell in love with this place.

One night, during street ministry, we visited a place known here as Tent City. I spent the next 45 minutes chatting with a man named Chad. I would say that conversation is what convinced me that I would be moving to St. Louis. I told the team leaders later on that night that I wanted to go back to Tent City because I felt I had missed something that God was trying to show me. We were not able to make it back due to our schedule, but God gave me a revelation in that. Maybe God didn't want the team to go back; maybe God wanted only me to go back. And, it would make sense since I was the only one God called back to St. Louis.

In 2012, I had the incredible opportunity to visit both the Los Angeles and New York Dream Center. They were both remarkable opportunities, and the impact was great. After both of those trips, I felt compelled to return; yet, God would always close those doors. It's like He had something better for me. And, rightfully so. Because it led me to St. Louis, the perfect medium (literally geographically). God's timing is perfect. He knows what He is doing.

Where I am now:
I've been in St. Louis now for two and a half weeks. When I got off the plane, I took one look at my surroundings, and I asked myself "What in the world am I doing?" It's not that I doubted myself. I have full confidence that this is where God wants me. But, it reaffirmed why I came back.

This city has been a huge blessing to me. The love and support I have received since getting here has been overwhelming. I have the most incredible opportunity to serve in youth ministry again, which has always been a huge passion of mine, and that youth has shown me great hospitality. I'm working with mission teams, too, so that I can sow back into what brought me to St. Louis in the beginning. And, I'm working with the Street Ministry so I can be apart what had a major impact on my life. So, God has blessed me tremendously to be apart of these teams.

The interns have been equally hospitable. They have helped me out and have shown me so much since I've been here. They have encouraged me, kept me laughing, and accepted me like I had been here for years. I truly feel welcomed in St. Louis.

If I could just encourage anyone about the impact mission trips can have on you, I would say just go for it. Take a week, step out of your comfort zone, and experience God like you've never experienced before. And, you will experience Him. The prayers you pray due to discomfort, stress, or even homesickness, will show you how powerful God is. You will feel Him closer more than ever before.

Finding Where I Belong

     It was December of 2012; I had just gotten back from a mission trip to Los Angeles. In the back of my mind, I knew I had it coming. My father had sat down with me many times and told me that if I did not get my priorities straight, I could be homeless. I was working as a server where tips were bare minimum, and my paychecks were never above $5.00. My car was in and out of shops and I was hitching rides everywhere I was going. It finally came down to the point where my father- showing the tough love of a father- told me it was time for me to move forward. And, I'm so glad he gave me that push. It served as a motivation and put me in the position I am in now.

     From there, I moved back in with my mom. I lived with her for about a month or so when I got the offer to have a place of my own. A friend that I had confided in reached out and told me he would allow me to stay in his camper; fully furnished with power. He knew I was trying to get my finances situated, so at that moment, told me to do what I could do to help out with the running of the camper. I took it for granted, and ultimately had to move out of the camper. I was truly blessed to have spent nine months living there. I tell you one thing, though; surviving thunderstorms in that camper surely was interesting.

     After I moved from the camper, my dad gave me the opportunity to move back in with him, only with the exception that I was actively searching for a place of my own. There had been plans with my brothers to rent out a house, but those plans fell through. Reality was becoming brutal; I was going to be homeless. That was until my aunt gave me the chance to stay with her. I spent the last three holidays of 2013 with my aunt and her family. After those three months, I knew I needed to try this whole "find my own place" once again. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED living with my aunt. But, as a 23 year old, it wasn't settling well with my pride. So, I set out to sign my first ever lease at an apartment complex.

     January 2014; I have moved into my first apartment with three other roommates (one whom I've done ministry work with for years). For the next five months, I would struggle a schedule working two jobs, and trying to find a way to pay for my room monthly, as well as a new car payment that came up due to my previous car finally biting the dust. I was making enough money to maintain my living, but I was irresponsible in my spending. Any chance I got, I was splurging on anything and everything unnecessary. It finally took it's toll on me when in May, I tried to end my life. There were many other things that were reasons for this, but finances were one of the main things. I just could not catch a break. So, a week and a half later, I moved into a house where a friend of mine graciously gave me a room.

     June 2014; I'm laying in a bed in a house that's only about five years old. From the houses I've lived in before, nothing compared to the house I was living in now. I had a flashback from when I was a kid, riding around Buttermilk Road at Christmas time, and seeing Woodland Forrest's brick wall, thinking "I'm going to live there one day." And, it became my reality.

     While this is probably the longest blog I've posted, I say it all to say this; I am finding where I belong. It has taken a year of being on my own- completely away from any family- to realize where I belong. It hurts not to be under the same roof as my mom or dad, but there comes a moment in life where you have to move forward. Granted, it took me a few more years than most, but I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't have parents who believed in me and pushed me to be the best person I could be. Yes, I still struggle financially. Yes, I am homesick. Yes, I am only human. But, in this experience, I have realized that every stressful moment was a moment taken from God. It was a moment where I realized that joy was there all along; I just had to take hold of it.

     Never give up. God isn't done with you. It may take you a year to find out who you are and what you are doing with your life, but in the end, it's worth it.

Understanding is Actions to Help

     I would like to preface this whole article by saying that pain is universal. We all have our own source of what we call "pain." It's foolishness to say "I've been through more than you" when you've never walked a mile in their shoes. Keep that in mind as you read this.     

     Today is my birthday, and I want to take this opportunity to shed a light on something that is very close to my heart. Until five months ago, I never thought I would be the victim of something that is becoming a common thread in this day and age. This is suicide.

     "For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the second leading cause of death."

     May 9th, 2014, I found myself in a very scary place. If it wasn't one thing, it was another, and I could not catch a break. It's too much to go into detail, but at that point in my life, I was done. I had just got home from work, and was sitting in my apartment will some sleeping pills in my hand. I fought with myself going through every scenario in my mind. I didn't know what to do. I had been completely overtaken by some spirit, and I could not break free. My mindset was "if I could just go to sleep for a long time, maybe all of these problems I've been having will disappear." Before I could fight any longer, I remember putting the pills in my mouth, and swallowing all of them. Out of complete fear, I called the paramedics almost immediately.

     I spent that night in the ICU after a series of test and stomach pumps, and had the whole night to completely rethink my life. The most mortifying thing that happened was having to see my Mom and Dad see me the way they did. It was a look I will never forget.

     I bring this up because suicide attempts are becoming more and more every year. The statistics are staggering. I found hope in a Man named Jesus over a decade ago, and I still found myself in a position where I could have ended my life. Had I not acted quickly, and had I survived even after not calling the ambulance, I could be on dialysis for the rest of my life. That's how much my dosage was. "Ah, that's not a lot." For me, it was. It was enough for me to feel like I didn't want to live anymore.

     If you are depressed and feel like there is no hope, talk to somebody. You don't have to fight this fight alone. I am so thankful for two incredible men of God (and my family) who stood by me and fought for me in that time. Even after a suicide attempt, I was so ashamed to show my face to anyone; but the LORD put a new Word on my lips, and I've been on fire ever since. God is greater than suicide. I pray and hope this helps somebody to speak out about their demons. God bless!

For more information and statistics on suicide, visit: http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=705D5DF4-055B-F1EC-3F66462866FCB4E6

Knowing is understanding, and understanding is actions to helping.

Would Jesus listen to secular music?

     As I type this, I'm listening to the extremely secular song "We Can't Stop," (a cover version by Hobbie Stuart; check it out), and I can't help but to think about all the people who would criticize me just for listening to a song that would mention such reckless behavior. May I add that I don't listen to music to hear a message (unless it's Christian music, of course). But, there are other things that can appeal to the ear. Perhaps it's the singer's voice. Or, maybe it's the beat of the song (which is why I love EDM music). Perhaps I'm rambling, but this is why I ask myself "Would Jesus listen to secular music?"

     In a world where secular music promotes about everything evil in the world, there can still be good in each song. I recently read a post about a pastor in New York who plays secular music in their services because it draws the crowd who may not show up if a hymnal is being played on the church's organ. Not bashing traditional church services, but in this time and age, that isn't working. I'm not promoting contemporary worship either, but this is all beside the point. The point is in all things meant for evil, God can take it and make it good.

     When Jesus roamed the earth, He didn't walk around with a "holier than thou" attitude, even though He had every right to. He was the King of Kings. P. Diddy who? He's the Big Daddy Himself! He's usual crowds consisted of prostitutes, thieves, tax collectors (and in those days, they were HATEDDDD). He even surrounded Himself by lepers. Lord knows in those days, a GOOD Jewish man would never go near a leper less he lose his reputation and great name. But, none of that bothered Jesus. I can see Him sitting around, singing psalms with His disciples. And, I could definitely see Jesus sitting around with the sinners listening to whatever they had back in that day. I don't know, maybe pots and pans? Who knows?

     Here's the point; we are so caught up in Western religion that we forget what Jesus really stands for. If you weigh what He preached on a scale, the "don't" would outweigh the "do." His commandments were simple: Love God. Love people. That's it.

     I can already feel the comments stirring: "Do not conform to the world." And, you're right! Do NOT conform to the world. "What does a man profit if he gains the world yet loses his soul?" I know all those verses, so save it. But, Jesus ALSO says something else: "It's not what goes into the body that defiles the body; it's what comes out" (paraphrased: Matthew 15:11). With that verse, I rest in knowing that although Jesus would probably shiver at what He hears in today's music industry, He would find some way to make it into something good.

     Sorry for the random ramble. Thoughts and comments are welcomed!

Los Angeles: Round Two

Los Angeles, California

     In December of 2012, I was blessed with the opportunity to fly to Los Angeles, California to serve at the Dream Center. It was truly an experience I will never forget. I still dream of all the people I met, and I can still hear the sounds of Skid Row at night.

Skid Row, Los Angeles, California

     Well, the opportunity has come, once again, for me to serve at the Dream Center, and I'm incredibly excited. Like before, our team will serve the people of Los Angeles, Skid Row, and numerous other surrounding areas. Some of the things we will be doing will be serving on a food truck where we will pass out food; passing out clothes and food to those who cannot make it to the Dream Center; praying with people; passing out food, clothes, and other necessities on the streets of Skid Row; the need in Los Angeles is great, so there's really not a limit on what all we'll be doing while we are there.

     This letter serves two purposes:

• One: Your prayers are not only wanted; they are definitely needed. If the Holy Spirit doesn't go before me, I don't think I would go either. You can pray for myself, the team I'll be going with (Church of the Highlands), for the city of Los Angeles, and for God's will be done in this mission.
• Two: Donations are very welcomed. This letter serves as a support letter to welcome you into what God is doing. I pray that you do not give out of impulse; Pray first, and then give whatever God shows you. I can't promise you'll gain financial bliss or prosperity. But, what I can promise is that every dime goes to serve a purpose; and that is to touch one more life for the purpose of Christ. If you would like to donate, you can by going to www.churchofthehighlands.com/missions/give. Fill out the necessary information, and then "Submit." To give directly to my account, click on "Trip to Donate to," and choose "LA Dream Center - August - 8/25/2014." Once you've done that, my name will appear in the next drop down box. If you have any questions regarding how to give, please email me at cbadgwell@gmail.com.

Los Angeles Dream Center

     Los Angeles has a very special place in my heart. It's a city so captivated by this culture we live in today. All they want to know is if someone still cares enough to help them out. Pastor Matthew Barnett (the founder of the Dream Center) has built his ministry around a simple quote: "Find a need and fill it; find a hurt and heal it." And, that is what our team will be able to do.

     Thank you so much for reading this. If you have any questions regarding the Dream Center, check out their website: dreamcenter.org. Or, if you have any questions regarding the trip, please feel free to email me at cbadgwell@gmail.com. Once again, thank you, and God bless.

Attached is just a small testimony from a few people who have went through and who serve the Dream Center.

Dominion

     It's a word not too many people are familiar with. Because of that, they live in a state of confusion and chaos, and wonder why God doesn't intervene. There have been many times in my life where I was left with so many questions in my mind that I began to doubt my faith, and nearly gave up. I found Jesus on the night I found out about dominion.

     I was at a small college hangout one night, and there was a guy there who spoke on dominion. He was a Alabama football player for Paul Bryant, and later one of his pallbearers. He is the chaplain for the University of Alabama's football team, and his sons have also played for Alabama. His credentials may seem far and wide, but he is a man of integrity, and taught me a lot about taking back what the enemy has stolen.

     He started his message off with a verse that has stuck with me since hearing quote it.

"You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet..." Psalms 8:6.

When he finished the verse, I sat it utter amazement. I could not believe what I had just heard. It was enough for me to break down at that moment. You spend your whole life thinking that all the bad in the world will get better when God steps in. But, according to this verse, He gave YOU authority to trample the enemy. He placed the enemy UNDER your feet.

     The enemy's plan is to isolate you and make you feel as if there's no way out. The enemy will convince you that you're too messed up; you'll never amount to anything. In Jesus name, I rebuke those LIES. Every morning when you wake up, you should have the confidence that you have dominion, you have authority, and in Jesus' name, you will not be shaken.

     I pray this restores some faith in a few people. You're not too far off. You are never outside the range of God's love.

 

Dear Sister,

     I'm writing you this to express my gratitude for your life and the life you'll bring into this world. I feel as if my responsibility as your oldest brother has fallen incredibly short, and I will kick myself for the rest of my life for it. But, that'll be my own demon that you will never have to fight. I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You have turned into a beautiful, young woman (compared to the hellion you were as a baby). This baby is blessed to one day call you "mother."
     If I could give you some brotherly advice (and I hope it's not too late), it would be to trust in God in everything you do. Our parents' divorce separated all of us kids, and I know it had to be tough on you to not have mom and dad in the same house. But, sometimes, life has to go on. Imagine what life would be like if dad and mom never divorced. Compared to what life is today, that reality would've been worse.
     Jesus is the only man you'll ever fully be able to rely on. No other man will ever satisfy you like He can. You'll understand God's love for you once you're holding your little one next year; you'll see with God's eyes that He loved His son so much, that He sent him here to die for you. You were worth dying for. I know that your love and sacrifice will exemplify that of what Jesus did for us. Not that you'll physically die, but that spiritually, you'll learn that the best thing you can do is to lay down your life as a sacrifice for your child.
     I don't think any less of you. You are my sister. You were the one that your three brothers argued over. We used to argue over who would marry you (being young, we didn't know better). You are the apple of dad's eye. You're mom's joy. You are your brother's troublemaker (cuz we'll kill for you). I want you to know that you are loved and appreciated - not mocked or outcasted.
     I love you, Emily, and I cannot wait to meet that little nugget.


Love,
Soon-to-be uncle Cody

God's love... Please read.

     This summer was a real eye opener. In the midst of confusion and chaos, it seemed as if the end was no where in sight. It's in those moments where people think in their mind that this is all there is to life. They couldn't be furthest from the truth. 

     God's love is never far away. His love is always near. Our view of God's love usually comes from our human perspective of what love is. But, human love is nearly that... Human. Flawed. Misunderstood. But, God's love isn't something we throw around to make ourselves feel better. Love is a person; and His name is Jesus. 

     When the word "love" comes to mind, we think of past hurts, past regrets, and sometimes our initial response is to run. As I listen to this song "Dearly Loved," I'm reminded that I am loved, and that the God who knows everything about me still loves me. There's not a single error in your life that can distant you from the love of God. He's with you wherever you go; you cannot flee Him. That's the beauty of God's love. 

     Someone out there is reading this, and they're thinking "This dude is crazy. God can't love me. I'm one screwed up dude." Reality check- we all are. If God can love someone who persecuted His own people to the point of killing them, He can love you in your struggles and addictions. I pray and hope people read this, and realize the Father's love for them. God bless. 

Support Letter

     Hello, my name is Cody Badgwell. I'm a resident of Tuscaloosa, Alabama, where I was born and raised. You are receiving this letter because you expressed interest in furthering the ministry of God to the nation. To better understand what I'm talking about, let me explain further.
     For as long as I can remember, I've had a huge passion for people. I grew up in a very diverse community, so I never saw racism or discrimination in any way. Though I'm sure those exist, I always overlooked it. My heart wasn't focuses on the color of skin or the morals of ethnicity; I was focused on seeing people for who they really are- a child of God.
     This leads to the mission God has called me on. I applied for an internship with a ministry called City Student Missions (CSM). They have sites in major cities all over the United States. The city I've applied for is Chicago, Illinois. While there, I will have the chance to work alongside the CSM staff, prepare for teams from all over the world, and then show these teams the city, cultural areas, and serve alongside them in the fields.
     Your prayers are a crucial part of your support. Monetary funds help, but prayers are my main source of provision. Once I'm in Chicago, I'll be getting paid, as this is a paid internship/job. My only source of help is for flights. If you want to contribute in any way, please send me an email at cbadgwell@gmail.com.
     Thank you so much for your interest to support this vision God has given me. Your prayers and support means the world to me.

Peace in Jesus

     I heard a quote in a movie once, and it still sticks with me to this day.

God has the power to show you who God is. 

When you hear something like that, you're instantly inspired to think that no matter what, no matter circumstances, God is still good. There have been many moments in my life recently where I've felt physically sick to my stomach from the stresses of life. I've had moments where all I want to do is lay in bed, and just waste away the day. It was in those moments where I stepped aside, and found peace. God is the ultimate peace. That is His name.
     When I think about the Israelites in captivity, I can't help but to think about how stressful that must've been. Beatings everyday. Stripped of everything you ever possessed, including your name. Where is the hope in all of this chaos? Out of the desert came a prophet who prophesied over the Israelite people:

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD. "Plans to prosper you, and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

 That sounds pretty life-giving to me. Not exactly what I thought that refrigerator verse meant underneath the surface, but that's the context in which it was spoken.
     The main purpose for this post is to remind you that there is a peace that you can experience. Maybe you have something coming up; a test, move-out day, graduation, etc. There's so much to do in such a short period of time, and you're stressed to the max. Take some time, take a deep breath, and just think "Jesus." The mention of His name is enough to scare the enemy away. The enemy's strategy is to make sure you become so distracted by this stress that you forget about peace in Jesus. Revoke the enemy's powers; cancel their flight to destroy your life.

"I have mad him the ruler of the land. I have placed everything under his feet." Psalm 8:6

You have the authority to trample the enemy. Take advantage of it. And, in that, God will show you who He really is; Jehovah Shalom, the God who IS peace. 

Season of Preparation

     A lot of times I feel as if I'm left out of a lot. Maybe it's a social gathering. A bunch of friends hanging out.  I've always been an incredibly social person, so to not be invited to gatherings or hangouts can definitely make me feel alone. Growing up throughout elementary and middle school, I was the constant rejected student. I had no friends whatsoever, and prayed every single night for God to give me at least one best friend. I didn't get my first real best friend until I was in college.
     As I see all these pictures of friends hanging out, and knowing I didn't get invited, enemy always places in my head doubt. Doubt that the people that say they're my friend, are not. I'm reminded of my rejected days. And, as I remember those days, the Holy Spirit begins to speak to me in that friend's voice only He has. He tells me, " As the same before, I'm preparing you for something greater."
     Recently, I've realized that now is not the time to be social. Now is my time to tap into what God has been trying to reveal to me all along. He has been trying to prepare me for something greater than I can imagine; I've just been so socially active to slow down and realize it. As my nights come to close, I find myself watching podcasts or reading the One year bible, and it's been the most rewarding moments of my day. I can have the most stressful day at work, or maybe be stressed about some life issues, but the moment I hear or read God's word, I'm instantly transformed.
     Maybe this is your season of preparation. You just graduated college, and now you're looking for a job but it seems as if there's no luck. You're stressed because your lease is up next month, and you don't know what to do next. You're so worried about God's will for your life. You're not alone; God's will is everyone's question. As Pastor Steven Furtick once said, "If you want to know God's will, you have to know God's ways." So, allow God to prepare the way for you, and He'll lead you right to where you need to be. You may feel alone, rejected, or left out, but God is preparing you for a greater purpose. You were made for more than what you're thinking.
     God bless you all!

Revelation from WBC

     This past weekend, I had the opportunity to counter-protest what culture has branded "America's Most Hated family." Westboro Baptist Church was in Tuscaloosa protesting the University of Alabama, stating that the tornado was God's wrath upon Tuscaloosa. They've been known to protest soldier funerals and other major events in the United States.
     While I stood among other local Tuscaloosa residents, we counter protested the same way they did; by making our voices heard. Some said derogatory things while others exposed the TRUE love of God. The following words left my mouth, and pierced my own heart: "God forgave me, He can forgive you, too." As I said those words, it was as if God hit me in the face with a brick. Whoa! How many times have I lived in condemnation of my sin thinking it was too much for God to forgive? Too many times to count! The same love Westboro is searching for is the same love I found Saturday afternoon.
     For those who feel condemned, God hasn't given up on you. He's longing to be with you. What good is a relationship when it's only one way? How loved would you feel if you have everything in a relationship only to get nothing back? I know we all have questions, but the answers are in the experience. Get to know God's supernatural presence, THEN work on yourself. The Scripture says to, first, submit yourself to God. That means seek FIRST the Kingdom, and His righteousness. Then, resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Don't wait to get your act together first. Come to Jesus first, and allow Him to help.
     God bless you all!

A Vision of Life

     I've been a Christian now for 13 years, and been faithfully serving God in ministry for about ten of those years. Although those numbers may sound as if Wisdom and knowledge flows, that couldn't be furthest from the truth. I'm still learning everyday, and of course, it's been a challenge. I find my strength in knowing that God doesn't tempt me beyond what I can handle, and it's proven so in so many situations in my life. 
     About six months ago, I had a vision. Growing up, I didn't have a Christian family. My grandmother took me to a small Baptist church, and then later on a Pentecostal church. My grandmother was the woman I looked to for spiritual guidance. Back to the vision. I envisioned that I was standing in the back of my church's office complex, and I saw my mom at the very front. In the vision, I had knowledge that the room was full of people, but it was also as if my mom was the only one in the room. I only saw her. And, basically, I saw my mom swaying back and worth as if she was dancing with Jesus. If you know my mom, you know she has long, flowing hair. For some reason, God placed a huge emphasis on my mom's hair, because the way her hair swayed signified the passion my mom had to worship Jesus. My mom danced with Jesus, and that's the only way I can describe the vision. 
     Recently, my mom went through some intense times, and she told me she was so ready to have purpose. Unfortunate circumstances in the past held her back, and she wants to make it right now. I write this note to encourage those who are desperate for something. Maybe your life hasn't been what you wanted it to be. Don't let that be an excuse to live. You have a purpose. I can't express that enough. My mom, she has an incredible purpose. My mom, she is my angel, and the rock that has held me together when all I wanted to so was fall apart. Jesus had always been there, too, but God used my mom for those special moments, too. 
     Even as I type this, I am in tears, because I know that I have friends that are so lost and desperate. Family members, too. And I want you to know, there is hope. You were not a mistake. I hope this encourages someone today. Allow God to reveal Himself to you like never before. 

I. AM. SET. FREE.

This past week was rather challenging. It's as if the enemy has strategically done everything, literally everything to tear me down. 

• My job I had for a year laid me off. I had done everything professionally possible in order to make a smooth transition to my new job, yet the management went ahead and laid me off. This led to a small "freak out" due to much financial strain. Of course, like all new jobs, it takes a while to get that first paycheck. And, of course the enemy placed a fear in my mind. But, I had to remind him of my little Friend, Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides all my needs. 
• I attended a retreat in Birmingham this past weekend. It was absolutely life-changing. The purpose of the LIFE retreat was to teach you how to live in freedom everyday, and to equipped you to live it out. Through the retreat, I found that freedom I craved. Forgave people. Forgave myself. Moved on. When I returned, the enemy was waiting on me. Instantly, he reminded me of my past. But, I had to remind him of my little Friend, Jehovah Nissi, the God who IS my victory. 

     Recently, I read a blog that brought much truth to my life. I constantly asked myself "If I'm saved, then why do I still struggle?" Before I was saved, I was just a reckless, dead soul. After I got saved, I was made alive. In the blog, it answered my question. The very fact that I'm alive is the answer that I struggle. A dead person can't struggle. A corpse can stress over things. It's dead. 
     So, if you have been going through the same thing, let this shine some light in your life. You're not alone, and you have an Intercessor who goes before you, and fights for you.  

The Challenge

     As I look around, I can't help but to see how many people claim to be a Christian, yet their actions say otherwise. Jesus never said the Christian life would be easy. If anything, He said that there would be troubles. He follows that up by telling us that He has already overcome the world. So, He understands that this life is hard. Today's culture has placed Christians under the radar, and now more than ever, persecution has brought out the worse in Christians.
     I honestly believe it is culture that causes Christians to cave into a lifestyle they know they don't want to live. Culture has given this image that if you uphold Christian morals and values, you're irrelevant and old school. Since when has that become a crime? "The bible is too outdated." "That was a long time ago." Have we become so prideful that decent values are no longer of importance?
     In nearly ten years of ministry, I have seen the ups and downs of a struggling Christian. I, myself, was once in that position. I'm not saying I'm not anymore, but there's a difference in living in sin, and striving to live apart from sin. The struggle is way too familiar. Stuck in hardcore addictions. Relationships. Lifestyles. It's hard to get out of what you're so accustomed to, and it's easy to get into it because "it's what everyone else is doing." Trust me, I've been there's too. I always thought it'd be cool to fit in, especially since I was regularly rejected in my elementary and junior high days.
     Growing up, I wore glasses and hearing aids. I was the laughingstock of all the schools I attended. I never could find the friends I constantly strived to have. Due to the desperation of wanting to fit it, I succumbed into a lifestyle I knew God did not approve of. It may not be as hardcore as most people's stories, but for me in my life, I was desperate to leave that lifestyle. All it brought for let down after letdown. Relationships were formed that never should had formed. Drinking what I shouldn't be drinking. Under aged smoking, knowing it was wrong, yet thought it was cool. But, the more I did it, the more I started fitting in. I started skipping class, got in trouble at school for smoking on campus, and it just all spiraled down from there. It wasn't until 2007 when I truly started to see God's calling in my life, and that He called me to be set apart.
     That's the key. We're called to be in the world, but not of it. If the friends we have are constantly nagging you about going to bars, going to parties, etc; I don't see the encouragement in that. They are pulling you into a position to not be in your right mind, and in that, can turn into something bad. Don't allow that to happen. You have been given authority by God (and as a human being) to say no. Take control over your life; guard what your eyes see, what your ears hear. If you guard yourself, you give God the control to move in your life. Quit looking at that on the Internet. Stop going to that party. End that relationship that has gone way too far. In that, you'll find your innocence is restored, your life is renewed, and you become stronger than ever.

God bless.

Salvation is here. Salvation is now.

I know it's been quite some time since I've posted, but there's so much to update on. God has truly blessed me in so many ways. I'm really not sure where to start.

Since my last post, I have moved into my own place, a small camper that a beautiful family has allowed me to rent out in however way I can afford. There's no pressure, and no obligation. Just maintain the camper. I've even added a new member to a family, a ten week old pitbull names Millow (pronounced Mee-low). She's still in those baby days, so its been a challenge so far.

School didn't work out this semester. I lost my pell grant from last semester, which wasn't a pleasant thing. I really tried hard to get the best grades. My focus hasn't necessarily been in the right place, though. I was educationally driven, just not focus-driven.

In December, I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Los Angeles for a week on a mission trip. There, we worked alongside the Los Angeles Dream Center, and served almost 2,000 people. We visited Skid Row, and saw some things that have been engraved in my heart and mind. I don't think I'll ever forget them. The sadness of Skid Row scarred me, but not in a negative way to never want to go there again. It scarred me in a way to encourage me, and solidify what God's calling for my life is. We also got to go to Hollywood, Venice Beach, and Long Beach (where I met, in person, a lady whom I have only had contact with via Skype/Stickam). It's easy to see the beauty of California, but if you're willing, God can call you into the inner cities where poverty is mainstream, and drugs on the street are no surprise. Drug use is done right in front of you, and no one cares who sees you.

In September, I plan to move to Los Angeles in order to participate in an internship. Through that internship, I will have hands-on experience through ministry and missions. The Los Angeles Dream Center is also a church, and through that church (Angeles Temple) I will serve the city of Los Angeles. I'm excited to say the least, because if you realize that a lot of people who come through Temple on a weekly basis are the ones hurting, it sets something inside of you to want to serve their socks off. I know it stirred something inside of me.

So, by now, you're probably wondering what does the title have to do with this blog. It lead to this. A lot of times, I hear about people coming to know The Lord. Being in ministry, it's a common occurrence. And, many times I never meet these people face-to-face. Until recently. I had the honor of leading someone to know The Lord through the repentance prayer. It's the greatest joy to know that you took part in someone's salvation. Since then, I've been able to see the changes and struggles this guy has faced. It's challenging. But, being able to see this has brought a renewed faith inside of myself. His prayers have been of pure innocence. His fights have been fought properly. His love for The Lord grows daily. I'm amazed to see this, and I'm blessed that it has not only secured his place in Heaven, but has renewed my faith as well. Keep believing God for the salvation of your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. in God's beautiful timing, He'll provide a way, and you'll reap many blessings.

God bless you all!