This is the only way I know to cope...

I haven't used this site as much as I probably should. It's not like I'm too busy, or that I never have anything to say (because if you knew me, you know I always have something to say). Perhaps I should start using it more often to better help cope with this horrible depressing season I've been in.

I woke up this morning around 11:30, and it was my off day, so it felt great to sleep in. But, as I got out of my bed, it hit me again. It was the first thought on my mind. And it has stuck with me for this entire day.

Depression has hit me this year: hard. Like a ton of bricks. I have my weeks if not months where everything is fine. But this past two months have probably been the hardest. What I am finding is that depression is not limited. There are a million ways that it can take over.

Feeling alone in a crowded room.

Feeling like you can cry for no particular reason at all.

A lack of sleep even though you're getting eight hours of sleep a night.

Physical pain without physical injury.

Laughing on the outside, but doubting on the inside.

Though people say they know what you're going through, you still feel like you can't talk about it because they won't understand your situation.

An altogether lack of understanding from other people which leads to a complete lack of empathy or much needed break from school/work.

These are just a few that I've personally felt in the past two months. But, how do you overcome this? I am a Christian. If you are close to me, you know I have a prayer life. I've probably prayed with you one-on-one before. I've probably even counseled you in some way in the past. There's no doubt that I know I have Someone I can talk to on a daily basis, and I KNOW He can make it all go away. I'm also a realist. I truly believe that if you're going to pray for something, you have to put boots on the ground to make it happen, too. If you're praying for a financial breakthrough yet you're not saving money, then it isn't going to happen. If you're praying to lose weight yet you're sitting on the couch watching Netflix all day (this is me, btw), then it isn't going to happen. But how do you pray for God to take your depression away and put it into action? "You can talk to friends?" But I feel alone when I talk to friends. I feel like they won't understand. "You could get on medications." But, what about becoming addicted? "You won't become addicted." How do you know that?

There are so many questions I have as to what I'm supposed to do. It literally feels like a lose-lose situation when you think that even a doctor will not be able to help. And, let me just say that in no way do I feel suicidal. I've been down that road, and I'm nowhere near that thought process.

If I could have it my way, I would take a sabbatical: to get away from everything and everyone, and try to find out exactly who Cody is.

If you've read this far, thank you! It means a lot to me! I'm open to any private messages or comments for encouragement or answers you may have that could better point me in a different direction than I'm currently going in.

Yah Is My Strength

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”
Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.” Isaiah 6:1-7

     One of the greatest revelations of my life came from reading these verses. July 13, 2017, I attended our church's camp. During that time, I was reminded of this incredible passage of Scripture from my worship pastor, Pastor Jai. When she read it, something stood out to me that I never caught before, and it was the name of the king, Uzziah. Intrigued, I looked up what "Uzziah" meant in the Hebrew (the language of the Old Testament), and it translates to "Yah is my strength." "Yah" translates to "Yahweh," which means God.  
    
     With this in mind, God showed me that when strength is dead, we can still encounter the Lord. There are so many situations in this life that can really sidetrack us, and make us think we don't have the strength to get overcome it. We allow the enemy to place a spirit of fear and doubt in our mind, and so many times, we stay there. 

     Can I just say that no matter how much of our strength is gone, or even if there's none left, you can still encounter the presence of the Lord. 

     Three questions to ponder:

• Are you ruined? Are you tired of the life you've been living; a life that's been draining all of your strength from you?
• Are you honest? Was the question above really true? 
• Are you willing? God is looking for someone to send. Is that "someone" you?

Be inspired.